Hi everyone how are you doing?
I have been thinking about writing this post for a while but wanted to make sure I was in the right headspace to do it. The last year has taught us all some lessons whether it be feeling more grateful for the little things in life or that we value human interaction and our health more than anything. One of my biggest lessons has to be that I have come to learn that not all friendships last forever and sometimes we go through a friendship break up.
Unlike a couple break up, breaking up with a friend, whether it be suddenly or fizzling out over time is very rarely talked about. We sometimes feel like it hits us hard and we can be unsure how to deal with the situation. We always seem to assume that friends are in it for the long run but sometimes that is not the case and even though we may see warning signs or things may not be how they used to be, it can still be a struggle to come to terms with.
Just before the first Lockdown (March 2020) I purchased the book Good Vibes, Good Life by Vex King. This book really resonated a lot to how I had been feeling about certain people in my life. I was feeling unhappy even before Covid-19 and I wasn’t sure what it was, yet I could not put this book down and a lot of this book really spoke to me and how I was feeling at the time. I am a Libra, I am a people-pleaser and it really shows within my relationships with people. I just cannot help it and found that after reading this book I should take care of myself first before finding acceptance in others.
“It’s important to recognize that it’s not unjust to let go of those who show no concern for you.”
I have had a lot of friendships over the years, some have lasted the long run and some just a few short months however I feel that they all came for a reason. Even some of the more toxic friendships definitely taught me something. I am a firm believer in thinking everything happens for a reason. Perhaps some friendships just were not meant to last and others are unconditional. The trouble with some friendships is that they can be very one-sided and can become sour over time. The best way of trying to work it out is to talk to one another but sometimes you just have to go your own separate ways and this can be hard. When you break up with a boyfriend/husband/partner it can be very public and is often spoken about; yet a friendship break up is usually less likely to be so public and this can make it difficult for the people involved to gain some closure.
All friendships are so different, some are in for the long run and others not so much, Some friendships bring fun, some bring toxicity, some may even feel like they become family. I know that I have broken up with friends in the past before and others have broken up with me and that is ok. It is all meant to be. I have found that at the time of a friendship break up it has been tough but looking back after some clarity I have found that a weight has been lifted that I may not at the time realised was even there until the friendship ended. Just like a relationship, the end of a friendship can be devastating and we need to talk about it more. The break up of one friend whilst in a group of other friendships can be catastrophic to the whole dynamic of the “group” and can cause rifts between others without being realised. This can be super difficult and can turn into a frenzy of Chinese whispers making one or all friends feel uncomfortable. In the end everyone can think for themselves and decide whether or not that friend is good for them in order to move on.
I like to think that each year we do change and along with that sometimes so do our friendships. We have to evolve with it and a friendship break up can be hard to come to terms with. That in house joke that only you and your friend(s) found hilarious starts to drift away, you start to feel jealous or bitter and you just know that your friendship is ending. Other times we have friends that come and go and we didn’t even realise that they are drifting away until we look back on our year(s). Not all friendships are the same; some you just “click” with straight away and others take time to nurture. Still I am a firm believer that certain people enter our lives at certain times for a reason whether that be good or bad and we evolve from it.
Over the last year I have done a lot of work on myself. I have come to realise that not all friendships are in for the long run and that is ok. I am happy, healthy and full of gratitude for everything and everyone in my life right now.
Have you ever gone through a friendship break-up? How did it make you feel?
Sending lots of love