Post lockdown feelings

Happy Friday folks! How are we all doing? So Boris said we can now meet up with friends and family in our own gardens…how exciting! We are going to make plans to meet with separate family over next week, how does everyone feel about this new bit of freedom?

I have really got into the comfort of being at home and now I know that lockdown is coming to an end soon enough it is a relief but also sparks a feeling of anxiety about how life will be post lockdown. I know that a lot of you are feeling the same. The safety and comfort of being at home that I saw as a huge challenge at first has become a comfortable routine and I am not sure I want it to change. Lockdown has given me back time with my kids, time to focus on ourselves; mind and body, time to re-evaluate what is important in my life, time to look at what I thought I wanted from my career, time to look at the future and what we would like to change. Most importantly, lockdown has made me grateful for being happy and healthy.

At the beginning all I could think of was shutting my salon and losing out financially. How were we going to pay our mortgage? Will we even afford to feed the kids…can we even get any food as the supermarkets were emptying by the hour. I felt like everything I had worked for, I could see being washed down the drain as clients began to cancel and we decided to close and become unemployed. Savings were emptied very quickly and the stress and anxiety of what the future may hold was scary. Let alone this virus that we knew nothing about that we could all catch and spread around to others so easily and silently; I think Covid-19 all came into our lives so quickly we just didn’t have time to think. Then in steps our government to help us all financially, I feel lucky to be living in a country that can afford to do this. The UK government has tried their best to help us out in some way even if we didn’t get the money we thought we might or didn’t get any financial help at all. They have frozen mortgage payments, councils were able to let us move our council tax payments to next year, our tax bills have been moved to be paid next year; we have all been helped in some form. There are lots of ways I am grateful for living in the UK. I do not know a lot about politics in this country but I do think we have had as much help as we could of asked for compared to other poorer countries. A future of great recession will pay for this but for now it has helped us greatly.

The last 10 weeks have flown by I must admit but I cannot believe I haven’t worked since March and it is June on Monday! I have become used to my new role as “stay at home mummy” which I never thought I would ever be. I have always been a career girl even having just a fortnight off work before I went back to hairdressing after my 2nd birth. I miss my job terribly, I love hairdressing and feel so proud of my little salon and all of my team at Blonde, yet I feel this terrible sense of anxiety in my gut that our job will never be the same again. In our industry we cannot physically social distance by 2m…even after seeing all the memes!

photo credit: The mirror

I feel worry about the salon atmosphere not being the fun job it once was and how scary it will be to see so many people in a day after hardly seeing anyone but my husband and children in the last 2/3 months. The worry of coming into contact with another person with symptoms of Covid-19 and then having to take a fortnight off work; being self employed that can be a lot of money to lose. Worry that clients will not want to come or come as regular as they once did, anxiety over my most vulnerable clients. PPE to be worn at all times whilst trying to have a conversation with your client and you can hardly breathe under it all. All of these thoughts and more make me anxious to go back to work yet at the same time I cannot wait to return and see everyone and try get a sense of normality back, while knowing life will probably never be the same again.

Both of my children are the year groups of primary school that can go back in June. I want to send them back mainly because I feel like they need a little routine in their lives, but also they miss their friends so much. I don’t worry about them catching the virus as it seems science has said that children are more ‘carriers’ or Covid-19 and less likely to be ill themselves but I worry they may pass it to others who are vulnerable so there will be still alot of social distancing with grandparents and other vulnerable people we are close to. I do worry about how this will affect them mentally, but I know kids are super resilient and they seem to adapt to change a lot better than us adults. We have to start living again and school routine is so good for the little ones. It is such a hard decision but for us it seems the right one. Will you be sending yours back? Do you think even by September the schools will be back to normal?

I think a lot of us that have been affected by Covid-19 in some way will have some anxiety about post lockdown life. I am sure over time we will forget about how we felt and move on and create a new normal but for now it can be a scary thought…

As always I love to hear your thoughts, as I know this has affected everyone in some shape or form.

“Every moment is a fresh beginning”- T.S Elliot

Sending love and virtual hugs,

Sam xx

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